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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the safe haven for daily publications, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and milestones, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to learn that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook at the pinnacle of his career at Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled through the school as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team after a brief chat inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|